The Only Reason I will see Star Trek

Okay okay, I know you've been waiting for my official review of The Haunting In Connecticut, and it will come, i promise. I just have to get something off of my chest first.
The ONLY reason that I will go see Star Trek. And That reason is one word. Sylar. Or more importantly, the amazing actor playing him: Namely...



That's right folks! Mr. Zachary Quinto himself is playing, of all roles, friggin Spock!



Yup. tis true. The actor of such masculinity, and sexual and sensual appeal is playing friggin Spock, whom i don't think has a history known for his sexual or sensual exploits. And I'm sorry, but I have never figured out what that finger thing is supposed to mean, so please, enlighten me ;-) The worst thing, however, is that it appears (at least in the above picture) that they made my amazing Sylar SHAVE (I mean, come on people!!!!!) I will cry, I tell you!! Cry!!!

Now, i have never seen an episode of the original Star Trek in its entirety. Seriously. Just never has happened. it just didn't interest me. The same with Star Wars. I was like, oh well. Big whoopie! I guess I was a late bloomer...or one of the Next Generation.

Now that, I did watch, almost religiously! Three reasons for that. Jean Luc Picard, The Borg, and Mr. Johnathan Frakes.





Please, he's a LeatherDaddy in the making lol

And of course, the most recent Enterprise starred the man for whom I credit the ability to have intimate relations with a female: WHOO HOOO Scott Bakula himself!!!



Now, here is the story. I was visiting home Freshman year of college because i was asked by a friend of a friend (and i speak to neither now, go figure) to accompany her to her freshman dance party, bingo game, or something. It was like a prom. Meaning, it was ridiculous. Now by this time, hello, there were no closets in my life, but reluctanly i agreed to go with her, OMG her name was NICKY lol, okay, so i agreed to go with nicky as friends...

Cut to the after party at her house and about 7 beers and who knows how many shots later, and shes askin me questions...'so you've never really been with a woman?'...ah, nope...'and you never wanted to be with a woman?...ah, don't think so..."come on, just try it, come on....' you know where this is going. Peer Pressure. I just get suckered by it all the time...

So, I eventually said 'fine' mostly to get her to shut the frack up! She was like, hold on, let me take out my retainer!!! (I KID YOU NOT!!!!!! I wanted to blow chunks then and there...oh, but it got worse folks....) She kisses me, ACK, and the She says 'Please go down on me'. I was like "Huh?" (I mean, was she crazy? And then i remembered, ah, she's a breeder. And did she have to say please? She was totally feeding into my catholic guilt complex)...so, I will admit i was quasi-curious, and a whole lotta drunk, and so she parts her legs and then i see it. The sweat begins to form on my brow. OMG. I think what the hell do, i do with it? I slept through that lecture in high school...So i just put on my explorer hat and goggles and prepare for the expedition lol... Flick this. Lift That, Wiggle those...I HAD NO IDEA, and then the sweat was flowin, and she's Moanin and sighin and im feel like i've lost my way on a dirt road and i'm fighting a charlie horse, and a cannabilistic roseanne bar is steadily approaching me cause, in the words of my mother, "they'd eat me first."

I couldn't takt it. I wasn't very good at the rubik's cube, and i so wasn't able to figure out 'down there' (hence why i call it the rubik's cube). So i picked my head up and she was still moanin and such and i said 'excuse me'...she looks down, and i said 'this isn't really working.' Well then, the sighs and moans turned to frowns and i swear, she started to friggin shed a tear. A TEAR!!! So i swallowed my pride, and i think a little of my dinner from earlier (you know what i mean) and i said "Can i just frack you?"

She was beaming once again, and i took the dive. And clenched my ees so tight and thought of the one person who could help me through this ordeal. And of course, it was none other than Mr. Scott Bakula himself. Specifically, the opening sequence of Quantum Leap where he leaps nekked into the body of a monkey trapped in a cage (I KID YOU NOT) So, i owe my survival to Mr. Bakula. Who, hello, did Playgirl!!!



Which, if anyone knows of where i can get a copy, I WOULD LOVE A COPY OF THAT MAGAZINE!!!!!!!!

Anyway, so my mind is wandering off into dangerous thoughts, so i will leave you with more pictures of my Sylar. More later. Peace