Joe Will Survive!!! (At least until Next Week) Survivor: Tocantins

We are about half-way through this season's Survivor outing. Survivor: Tocantins, and let me just tell you...I'm kinda frightened. Is it because Coach is morphing into a crazed eye hypnotizing pirate (Whom, i swear was growing chest hair in one of the previos episodes but now is smooth again?) I bet he has Erinn bite them off with her teeth! But no. There is another beast on Tocantins all together, and he was my pick to crush on, i mean win since the first day. Drumroll Please....Mr. Joe!



It has been a long many seasons since Surviror had a man of delectible fur quality other than our Joe. From the Beard, to the chest, to the legs, all complimented by his amazing eyes, this player is to die for. And of course, i can root for no other. Which means, sadly, that Joe's liklihood of winning the million is nil. (The last time i had this big a crush on a Survivor (and my crush on Joe is an even bigger one than that time) was back in the Australian Outback, and the crush was Michael Skupin.



A man liked by this tribe, exceedingly handsome in his own way, Michael was my definite pick to take it to the end! It was a crush. And of course, look how he ended up:



Thats right folks. He inhaled too much smoke from his newly-made fire, and fell hands down into it. Yep,. his skin began to peel and fall off...it was ugly, and yes, i shed a tear. When the helicopter lifted him off the island I felt guilty, and realized that my crush could be deadly. All by Episode friggin 5!!!

And so, i fear the same may happen this year with Mr. Joe the Furry.




Not the falling in fire melting your skin off tragedy, but ultimately losing.
And it looks like last night's episode was the down turn for his game. "Why?" Might you ask? Was it because he drooled all over his enemy at Exile Non-Island? (Meaning he's a horn dog waitin to find his buns...?) Was it because frigging TAJ (hello, look who your husband is!) pulled a nasty prank and made that fake immunity idol, fisting it up the totem pole's skirt? Was it because Joe is likeable, and athletic, and perhaps not that bright? Or is it the reason that I really think that it is: A furry hunk, and esp. one that i have a crush on, never gets to win survivor. Yup, I think that's the answer.

Now i hear the groans and moans out there, esp. all of you (okay the two of you) shouting "What about Ethan! What about Ethan!?"



Yes, there is hair there when he won Africa... but it was a fluke, I tell you! A fackin Fluke! I mean, did you watch that season?????? Who else was there to win it??? And i think Mr. Ethan knew his hairy win was a fluke as well, because, hmmm....directly after Survivor and winning the bucks what does he do????? Just Look below peoples! Please, look below!



Do you see that??????? HE SHAVED AND WAXED AND SHIT!!!! He knew that it was a fluke that he won!!!! So he shaved to hide his fluke... Joe, no matter how bad you may lose (or, if the gods are on my side, WIN) I hope you never shave! EVER!!!!!

But, that means, of course, that, although i am totally rooting for you, I think you'll be lucky to make it to the jury. Really lucky to make the top four...doubtful you will win.

I'm sorry buddy, and I love you (in a i know you are straight so please don't kill me for dedicating a blog to you type of way)

Listen, I would even understand if, when you do go, in your confessional, you have one more vote to cast. And the person you vote out isn't Granny, like you did when you got off that truck (It was funny i laughted and you had my crush at that moment lol). But pleae know, i will totally underderstand if the person you vote for is in fact...



It's all okay, I will still root for ya bud.

UPDATE (TWO HOURS LATER!!!)

This just confirms my fears. The following quote is taken from Jeff Probst's (hunk that he is) ew.com blog...



Yes, that is him, and yes, i recognize the hair (but he's a host, and its different)Anyway, his blog devotes a very special paragraph, and of course, it's about Joe.

What i didn't get into in my blog was the inclusion of the ceramic pig challenge, (nice one, if i may say so)..And of course, Mr. Joe got hit on the knee...This is what Mr. Probst had to say about Dear Joe...

"In case you were wondering, yes, those pigs were ceramic and yes, they hurt when you caught them.

Damn, Joe's knee. Whoa. That is ugly. Could anyone still doubt this game is for real? Just look at that little tiny nick and how bad it has gotten in just 72 hours. Joe is a hurtin' dude right now. I felt for him so much that it made it hard to laugh when he found the fake idol. I really like Joe. Joe likes Sydney. Sydney has a boyfriend. Joe has a bad knee and a fake idol and likes a girl who has a boyfriend. Joe is in trouble. He's on the outside of the alliance that he should be a part of. Poor Joe"

My sentiments exactly, Mr. Probst.