And yes, i have mentioned the phobia to a therapist. And yes, she is no longer my therapist. Fill in the blank, if you will.
I've pondered the midget phobia a lot recently, mainly because of the party i threw for St. Patrick's Day, when i hired two strippers. (THATS ANOTHER BLOG IN AND OF ITSELF) Well, my lovely friends went out of their way to try to find a midget stripper (A hairy one at that). Thank god they were all books as Leprochauns or what have you. I would have been pissed!!!! oh, and i would have passed out.
So, i often get asked what is the orgin of this phobia. I can honestly say i have no idea. And i often place blame on Cookie (my maternal parental unit)I have a really sharp memory for things, and yet, i remember going to a circus once as a child yet don't remember anything about the experience. I'm guessing that they forced me into one of those buggy cars with them or something horribly dramatic. And now i can't even watch TLC because of the contant damn commercials for that frigging Little People in a Big World thing. the white background of the commercial. The father with his crutches,...its almost too much.
The first major passing out experience took place in September of 1997. The exact location was Colliseum Book Store on 57th and Broadway. I had decided it would be cheaper to buy college text books there than at the University book store, and so there i was ,books in hand, on route to the cash register. I was walking down the aisle and directly in front of me a woman was knelt down looking at the bottom shelf of books. She wore a gray peacoat and also had about three of those Macy's Big Bags with her. Frankly, she was taking up the whole damn aisle. I stopped, and waited at first. Nothing. She didn't even notice me. (Mr Celophane that i am). I said "Excuse me." she said nothing. Finally, she tilted her head up towards me. I said "Please, can I help you up." and extended my hand down to her. Well, she didn't like that. "I am up, asshole!" she stated, then immediatelly wobbled away. She wasn't kneeling!!!!! She was that friggin short!!!! I mean, she looked completely normal!!! Well, next thing i know i am staring up at the ceiling's cancer lights. Next moment i am being loaded onto the strecher for the ambulance. I was completely mortified...
About a year and a half later, my partner and I, along with some of his friends, were travelling from the Piers after viewing the fireworks, back uptown. The subway was overflowing with people, and i managed somehow, to reach and find a pole to hold onto, with my legs spread apart for balance. The rest of the crew were behind me and all of the sudden started laughing. I assumed it was because i was standing like i was in line to get whipped. I was wrong. Joe gets my attention and motions me to look down...A Fracker managed to be sitting, yes SITTING, in between my legs, also holding onto the pole. It looked up and smiled, and waved...and down i went. On the crowded train...
it was at this moment that i realized that the first passing out wasn't a fluke, and that i may have an issue. Okay, several issues, but you get my point. It's like they find me now. Like there's some secret midget phone or something. They are everywhere!!!!
If i even see one i hyperventalate. Its that bad...and again, i reitierate, im sure they're nice people...they simply scare the pants off of me.
Just last month, one of them entered the office where i worked. I ended up on the ground, shaking and whiter than white, not able to talk, and by body convulsing...
I mean, hello! Why won't they just leave me alone?!?!
I'm getting better though, so don't worry. I managed to sit through the first season of Carnivale (Although at times, i watched the midget through my fingers) I am able to look at pictures, for the most part...and I'll even post one here. Just for my own therapeutic reasons.
What do you think? Don't you agree that, yeah, kinda scary?
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