As we are all aware, due mostly to the bombardment of commercial space that Lionsgate has purchased, today marks the release of "The Haunting in Connecticut", the film "Based On A True Story" blah blah blah blah.
I have decided to something interesting. I am writing a review before I see the film. Then, When i have seen the film, I'll see if I was right or not. Sounds like a good idea to me. Who knows?
The story of "THIC" is not new to me, as I had seen, several times in fact, the 2002 documentary on the subject. Now, from what I recall about that documentary its about Karen and Paul Parker mostly. Paul is suffering from cancer, and Karen, being the devoted mother, moves he and the rest of the cookie cutter broke family into a bargain home in Connecticut that was once a funeral parlor. In fact, the equipment and stuff are still in one of the basement rooms. And of course, Paul just falls in love with having his own space that he chooses the basement to move into! Of course it doesn't take long for stangeness to go a bumpin in the night, and then Paul begins seeing this guy, and it was then that the documentary really piqued my interest.
Okay, now not only is this man or demon spooky, but hell, he's kind of hot in a white-faced, black eyes kind of way. lol Actually, the documentary itself was spooky. Even with the ludicrious involvement of the damn Warrens.
Oh, let me just say something about the Warrens. A town very close to where I grew up is called West Pittston. In that town is a family known as The Smurls. They claimed Haunting, the Warrens came a runnin. Fox made a TV film about it "Haunted". There were books. And ghost rape became table discussion. Now, i have met several of the Smurls, and do I agree with their story? Even though i would love to? Not quite. Do I feel the Warrns involvement immediately increases validity? Um no, although i have never met the Warrens in person, so who knows?
It seems i am not the only doubter in this matter. Back to the Conneciticut folks...author Ray Garton was hired to create a novel based on the facts of the Funeral Parlor/Haunting in Connecticut/My son has canser saga. The result, A Dark Place, says some interesting things, most notably that the family itself couldn't agree on one singular story, and that the Warrens were instigators in the genesis of the story...which brings me, FINALLY, to my pre-viewing Review of the new 2009 theatrical release of "The Haunting in Connecticut". Drum roll please...
First thing to notice is the marketing campaign. This film has been everywhere. For months. Which means that it probably will be lackluster at best. Although i do have some hopes. Second thing to notice is the MPAA rating for the film. PG-13. A film about a cancer patient, spooky house, funeral home, possible possession, meant to scare you...of course it's PG-13. Which really means it's been dumbed down, hollywoodized, and truncated to appeal to the teenie boppers on their dates. I'm a firm believer in R Rated horror. Don't get me started on what Lionsgate did with "The Midnight Meat Train"! The horror that I write is definitelly R-rated, or sometimes X-rated lol material. I just don't understand how someone is wiling to take the edge off a good scare in order to make it PG-13. That's mostly due to the suits rather than the creative types. (Which ive been personally dealing with the past few months, but thats another blog)
So, we have the marketing campaign. The rating... But wait!! What's this??? Starring Virginia Madsen? Holy frack! I will never forget the image of her in Bernard Rose's 'Candyman', where she appears in the mirror "What's the Matter, Trevor? Scared of something?"
I have to admit that I love Virginia Madsen! And the fact that she's returning, kinda, to horror, gives me hope. I know she won't have a half-ass performance. She's a theatre trained actress (YES!) and she's not the typical hollywood leading lady. I just love her and here she plays the mother figure...which brings us too.
Elias Koteas
Again, along with Virginia, I love me some Mr. Koteas. Often considered to be a rougher, edgier Christopher Meloni (Whom i also stalk, i mean admire), i became entranced with Elias Koteas when i saw him in David Cronenberg's Crash. In that film, highly underappreaciated i still believe, he has what may be the hottest gay sex scene in the world, with none other than James Spader himself!
Spit on your hand, lube up, and tell me that you love me, Elias!!!
In "THIC" he plays a priest. Hmmm? Homage to Jason Miller, perhaps? (Who, coincidentally, lived in my hometown neck of the woods and would frequent the local playhouses yippee) Even so, troubled, self-haunted priest played by the troubled, self-haunted, smoldering Elias!!! Sign me up!!! Give me an exorcism!!! Save me!!!
So, on the merit of Ms. Madsen, Mr. Koteas, and the documentary demon man, so far so good...oops...what's that, you say? how could i forget...
there's the cancer ridden teenaged son, who, in THIC is played by Karl Gallner. Now, hmmm...the story of the Amityville Horror saga also involved a teenaged, boy...again, with the Warrens involved. This boy was possessed, and the story of the possession was used in the aptly titled film "Amityville Horror II: The Possession" (Gee, how creative.) The boy in that film was played by Jack Magner. Lets, for the sake of it, do a little comparison of the two, shall we???
First off, it's Kyle...
Now onto Jack...
See any resemblances here? I know that I do...
Im not going to get into the cliches i think will exist in the film due to hollywood.
Creeky doors prob. Bloody walls? prob. Little friggin dead children? probably.
Its all been done before and i challenge this film to show me something different.
So, my review based on the above, is 3 out of 5 cocks, with both Ms. Madsen and Mr. Koteas earning a cock on their own merit... So, take them out of the picture, and i'd give it a 1 cock pre-review rating...
In the Spirit of the Warrens, and Haunted houses, and hot men in horror films, this blog is ending with a picture of a hot bearded Ryan Reynolds in the Remake of the Amityville Horror. (Just had to do it)
Enjoy! Split me like a log, Daddy!!!
As always,
Peace...stay tuned for the post-viewing review of "THIC" this weekend
Just
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