Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Working Opposite a Business of Sin!!! YIPPEE!!!

Yes, it's true.

I happen to work directly across from a Book Bin II/Les Gals (I guess they did a merger). In my 3+ years here, I have had the privilege of taking moments and observing the establishment. Hell, I even have purchased some Novely items at the store itself. BTW. To get to the gay male section, you have to walk downstairs. Kinda Creepy. They need better lighting. Anyway, that's all a part of the Bool Bin II. Les Gals is where, from my observances, the real action is.

You see, the place is a complete dump. Its not attractive in the like. And its certainly no Best Little Whorehouse in Texas! But you should see the variances of gentlemen who stop in and visit les gals daily. Some of them are friggin HOT!!!! Many are business men, arriving in their BMWs and convertables (I kid you not) And let me tell you, the gals themselves leave much to be desired. There is soemthing naughty yet very intriguing about the men who frequent Les Gals. The voyeur in me is very piqued with interest.

Sometimes, in the morning i manage to catch "the changing of les gals," as i call it. Around 11:00am one shift ends, and another begins. You see the gals waiting outside for their rides, while others are dropped off to begin their shifts. Then, the business men come along (its really busy from like noon to 3:00pm.

So, on behalf of those hot men, I will leave you today with this hunk smoking...Enjoy!!!

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Amongst The Living: Treatment and Today's Dream Cast!

It has been, and continues to be, a long, winding road for a little script called Amongst The Living.

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Recently the script and concept boards were requested by the President of a Network Cable Studio. The President loved it, so he said, but added that the script is too dark and too sophisticated for Network Cable. When i asked if i should dumb it down, so to speak, he replied that no. There's nothing wrong with the script. It's just not the right time and place for it.

I'll be the first to admit that that statement, albeit true, stung me. And in many ways, I agree with the gentleman. Amongst The Living is a very interesting, dark, and, I guess, yeah, sophisticated script. It asks a lot of questions, leaves it up to the audience to find the answers, and so forth.

I will also admit that it's a risky proposition. Half the cast are deceased, and sans clothing. They are seen in the same physical condition of when they died. The protagonist is a gay male, albeit a masculine, stereotype smashing one. The dialogue is cryptic at times. The themes of Religion, Idenetity, Love, Acceptance and Human Connection, although universal, are illustrated in bold, daring and at times frightening context...

In fact, I am beginning to cast a NYC Reading of the script for various industry and professionals, hoping to find some backing. This is risky in and of itself, but it will also get it more out there, so to speak.

Okay, before I get into what the frack the story is, which i will in a moment, I thought it would be fun today to see if i were to cast the film with my dream Cast, if you will. I think some of the choices may perhaps surprise you. I will give my choices while I discuss the character in question. And once the main players are disclosed, I'll go into a synopsis. (Yes, this will be a very long blog, and i apologize to Ms. K if you're nasty lol

So, Today's Dream Cast:

Michael Hutchinson, Protagonist. Michael is someone who is troubled, to say the least. He works as a Special Investigor with the NYPD, which has garnered him recognition and celebrity he'd rater he didn't have. He's a strong, quiet, dark man. He chooses his words carefully. He has built a facade to hide his true longings and desires. Oh and yes, he not only sees and communicates with dead people (called Phantoms), but is much more comfortable with them, and other supernaturals, than he is among his fellow humans.

Today's Dream Michael Hutchinson: Wes Bentley

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Daemon, Antagonist. Daemon, as the name suggests, is a demon. He has a personal connection to Michael. He is not one of the Fallen, as, in his own words, he 'chose to leave the heavens'.

Today's Dream Daemon: Jonathan Schaech

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Detective Rick Suttler Rick is a man who is incomplete, overcompensating with physical successes while decaying internally. He is a man to tacitile nature, and finite belief systems. He is also a man of extremes.

Today's Dream Rick Suttler: Jason Statham

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Dr. Claire Daniels-Suttler Claire is a free-willed spirit. She has her own opinions and mind, and most definitely is not afraid to use both of them, no matter the consequences. Her happiness, of course, if often compromised by her own choices.

Today's Dream Claire Daniels: Holly Marie Combs

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One-Armed Man/Brian Brian, (OAM), is a guardian, having watched over and counseled Michael his entire life. He is also a Phantom, and bound to Oakwood. Brian was the first phantom that Michael had ever seen as a child, and is also the first to welcome him back to his hometown.

Today's Dream Brian: David Chokachi

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Gertrude Hutchinson Gertrude is Michael's mother, who became a Phantom during childbirth with her second Child. She is a product of the Free Love of the sixties. She followed no formal religion.

Today's Dream Gertrude: Cate Blanchett

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So, there are just some of the characters that occupy the world of Amongst The Living. There are of course, many others who inhabit and affect this world, but in the nick of saving some time, i did not include them here.

Anyway, what is Amongst The Living all about? You ask? Well, here's the detailed treatment.

Amongst The Living


Oakwood, PA. While Homicide Detective Rick Suttler attempts to indulge his fetishes with his wife, Dr. Claire Suttler-Daniels, his twin sister Jennifer is brutally murdered four streets away.

The dissolve of Rick and Claire’s relationship is evident post coital. Both are cold, detached, and miserable. The tension between them is cut only by the loud ringing of the phone. Claire gets it and hand it to Rick.

At the crime scene, Officer Thomas Harmon cautions Rick not to enter the house by Officer Thomas Harmon. He explains that Jennifer was dismembered joint by joint, eviscerated, and the remains decorated around the living room. Holding in rage and anger, Rick forges past Thomas, and enters the house to see his sister with his own eyes.

New York City, NY. A reporter stands outside an Upper East Side subway station. She delivers news of a continuing investigation on a series of crimes attributed to the mysterious “Subway Banshee”.

Around the corner, on a vacant street, Police Officers Jim Evans and Andrea Styler emerge from a sewer manhole. They are followed by Michael Hutchinson, a rugged and rebellious Special Investigator. Jim and Andrea thank him for his help in the case. Michael simply replies after lighting a cigarette, “Next time call me sooner”. Then he walks off, alone, into the rainy night.

Michael arrives home at his apartment in the West Village and attempts to decompress. The face of the Banshee repeatedly invades his mind like a flash bulb. He tries to literally slap the images out of himself, to no avail. Unable to relax, he showers, dresses, and once again heads out into the night.

He walks to “Midian”, a leather/levi bar in the Chelsea district. He is greeted warmly by the bartender, Kyle Anders, who takes his order after joking about the late night visit. Michael relaxes somewhat, but the ease is quickly interrupted by a Drunkard who hounds him “Aren’t you that guy they talk about on the News? Aren’t you that guy? Is what they all say about you true? You freak!” Kyle tosses the man out of the bar and apologizes to an embarrassed Michael. Michael’s cell phone rings. He answers it.

On the other end of the line is Dr. Claire Daniels, calling from Oakwood. She informs him of Jennifer Suttler’s murder. Jennifer was Michael’s childhood friend. Michael exits the bar to continue the conversation. Visibly shaken, he informs the doctor that he hasn’t seen Jennifer or been to Oakwood in sixteen years. The doctor is persistent, and tells him that he owes it to Jennifer to attend the funeral. And she will only give him more information on her murder in person. The choice is up to him.

The phone goes dead as a cautious Kyle exits the bar, asking if everything is okay. Michael’s reply is simply that he needs another drink.

Flashback “16 years ago”
Michael, a teenager, steps onto his front porch, carrying a large duffle bag. His step-father Gregory follows after him, hands Michael an envelope, and orders him to leave, forever. Michael attempts to explain himself to no avail. Gregory threatens to call the police. Holding back tears, Michael leaves his home, and walks down the street.

Suddenly, a voice calls out to him. He turns around. Jennifer runs towards him. She hands him a picture of him, herself, and Joshua Thompson. “I thought you might want to keep this.” She exclaims, before breaking into tears. Michael wipes a tear from her eye and asks her if she thinks that things would be different if he was a normal kid? She scolds him for denouncing his gifts, which he quickly re-labels as his curse. The two friends embrace for the last time, and as she hugs him tightly, Jennifer cries “Goodbye Michael Hutchinson.” Michael responds with “No goodbyes. Never goodbye.”

Present Day
Michael stares at himself in a foggy bathroom mirror. His face is reddened and puffy from crying. On the sink sits the picture of himself, Jennifer, and Josh. He looks beyond the mirror, and states aloud “Never goodbye.”

Back in Oakwood, Rick is investigating his sister’s house. He sits in her bedroom, and flips through several photo albums. As he flips through the images of himself and his twin, she seems to smile at him from the pictures. He turns page after page, and suddenly comes upon images of Jennifer, Michael and Joshua. Rick is noticeably absent from the photos. He angrily shuts the album and tosses it aside.
The album flips itself open to reveal the photos once again. Suddenly, Jennifer is sitting next to him. He is shocked as she thanks him for taking care of her all of her life. He tells her it was his responsibility and that he would do anything for her. She asks him to do one more thing. She hands him a photograph of the teenaged Michael Hutchinson. “End it for good.”

Meanwhile, Michael drives on the interstate and enters Pennsylvania…

… In his office, Rick surrounds himself in papers, not of the murder and its evidence, but of written reports of Michael Hutchinson.

Claire arrives at the police station and is greeted by Rick’s secretary, Sarah. She tries to stop Claire from going into Rick’s office. Claire brushes past her and enters anyway. Rick quickly covers the newspaper’s regarding Michael as his wife enters. Rick is surprised to see her, especially after their argument. Claire informs him that there are more important things at hand. He is exasperated at the lack of evidence and leads in the murder. Claire suggests to him that perhaps the murder was supernaturally orchestrated.

Rick explodes at her, calling her out and saying that she sounds too much like his sister, who’s “mind was clouded with thoughts” about ghosts and demons. He scolds her, telling her he will have none of that type of talk. She leaves his office and he thrashes the papers onto the floor.

Michael reaches the Oakwood City Limits, and pulls off to the side of the road near the welcome sign to gather his thoughts.
Oakwood. A Great Place to call home.

Suddenly, a One-Armed Man (OAM) appears outside the car window. Michael looks towards the man, who is naked, the arm wound fresh and blood soaked. Nonchalantly, Michael exits the car and smiles.

The OAM is a Phantom, and Michael sees him in the manner in which he met his death. “I remember when I used to make you Scream” the OAM laughs.

Michael also remembers it as if it was yesterday. He was just five years old when he first saw OAM, and ran to his pregnant mother, Gertrude, in tears. Gertrude held him tight and told him there was nothing to be afraid of. In fact, she took him back to the window where he said he had seen the OAM to prove that nothing was there. Through her eyes, there was nothing. But Michael knew better, and he stared, frightened at the OAM, who waved back towards him.

At the city limits, OAM informs Michael that he always knew that the prodigal son would return to save the town. Michael insists that he is only in Oakwood to attend Jennifer’s funeral and nothing else. OAM replies that Michael really has no choice in the matter, and then walks away down the street. Before vanishing he adds “Welcome Home”.

A tired and tried Claire almost bumps into Michael as she hastily exits the Oakwood Diner. Michael is seated at a table and is given the local newspaper. He peruses the headlines, which include information on Jennifer’s murder and her funeral, as well as an update on the destruction of the local Roman Catholic church. When he voices his confusion out loud, he finds Teresa, the town gossip and waitress, eavesdropping.

Teresa lets him in on the story of a young priest who had come to Oakwood about a month before. The priest held a “Mass of Cleansing” and during his sermon, the church exploded in flames. Of the seventy attendees, there were no survivors. Eye witnesses, however, claimed to have seen the Priest, surrounded by flames, walk away from the wreckage, pass them on the street, and then vanish in thin air.
Having heard enough, Michael hands Teresa his credit card to pay the bill. She looks at the card and questions him. “You’re Michael Hutchinson?” He slowly responds “Yes. Is that a problem?” Teresa insists that it’s not, even though Michael is very aware of the silence in the room, and all of the patrons and workers eyeing him.

Before going to his hotel room, Michael passes the ruins of the church. The brick and concrete are covered in graffiti from the Book of Revelations. As Michael is leaving, he notices that he is being spied on by a Young Priest, Father Edward Dow. Michael quickly pulls the car away from the church as Dow watches after him.

That night, Michael’s dreams are haunted by images of a vast wooded oasis, humanoid creatures, and a black, petrified gate locking him in darkness…in the darkness, someone calls his name.

The funeral is a small one, as Rick and Claire are joined at the cemetery by Sarah, Teresa, Thomas, and Officer Richen. Father Dow presides over the service.

Away from the group, on one of the cemetery hills, Michael stands, watching. He can see that the Phantoms of the Cemetery have emerged in full force to attend witness to the funeral, and welcome their newest neighbor. Among them stands OAM.

“You don’t see her, do you?” a voice questions Michael. He turns to see Gertrude, who died in childbirth, standing at his side. Michael tells her that no, he does not see Jennifer. His mother responds “You didn’t see Josh either.” The two begin to quarrel, with Gertrude insisting that Michael takes responsibility and must save the town from ‘What is coming.”

Michael, angered, and childish, storms off down the hill.

Rick spots him descending the hill and bolts towards him, followed closely behind by Claire. Rick and Michael fight in the open, and Rick pulls his gun out, pointing it at Michael. Claire tries to calm them both down, revealing that the only reason Michael is in Oakwood is because she called him and asked him to come. Michael stands still, spreads his arms, and tell Rick to “Shoot me. Go on. Get it over with.”

The stand-off continues and the town horizon erupts with two explosions. Rick storms off to ‘go to work’ while Dow attempts to calm the mourners. The Phantoms all look towards Claire and Michael. Claire pleads with him. “Will you help us, Mr. Hutchinson?” Michael, eyeing OAM and Gertrude, replies “Do I really have a choice?” OAM grins.

Thinking it best to have the local law enforcement on his side during his investigation, Michael makes the journey to the Police Station. Upon his entrance, Thomas, Officer Reichen, and others are immediately on him, and refuse his request to speak with Rick. Rick, opening his office door, gives Michael five minutes.

Inside the office, Rick and Michael show how little both have matured since last time they have seen each other. Michael requests help, and Rick quickly surmises that Michael is the number one suspect. Michael begins his defense as Rick shuts him up with a reference to Josh. Michael scolds him for hitting below the belt. The two are deadlocked in argument, with neither budging. Exasperated, Rick casts Michael out of the office.

Michael, followed by police, heads next to Oakwood Medical Center. Claire stands waiting for him outside. She attempts to apologize for pulling him into the mess, but did not have any other option. She leads him inside the hospital and down to the morgue. Michael questions her why she is taking him to the morgue. She states that she wants him to look at Jennifer’s remains for a clue. “You staged the funeral?” he questions. “Sometimes we have to do what we have to do.” She replies.

They reach the morgue and Michael has a disturbing vision flash of Jennifer’s fingers being separated at the joints. He cautions Claire to wait outside the room while he enters, alone, to look at the body.

The morgue is cold and desolate as Michael finds the tag on the cells that is labeled ‘Suttler, J’. As he is about to open it, a voice rings out from behind him. He turns and sees Daemon, a demon in male human form, his veins pulsating beneath his thin pale flesh. Michael panics as Daemon attempts to have a conversation with him. “What? Are you scared of something?” the demon whispers.

Michael stumbles out of the morgue, grabs Claire, and they head into the elevator. He tells her to burn Jennifer’s remains. He also says that he knows who the murderer is. Claire asks him what should they do now, and he replies. “Nothing. There’s nothing any of us can do.”
Once outside the hospital, he apologizes to her and gets in the car, speeding away down the street.

At a stoplight, he sees OAM standing in his way. He pushes on the gas and drives right through him. A second later, OAM appears at his side. Michael yells at him for not telling him about the demon. OAM replies that he would have if he could, but Michael refuses to listen to him, and speeds away again.

Michael stops the car outside a dive bar called “Sneakers”. He sits in the car, catching his breath, before entering. Once inside, he has second thoughts and turns to leave when the Bartender stops him. “Surely you’ve seen worse things than Sneakers” he remarks. Reluctantly, Michael sits at the bar. He goes to order a drink when Kyle surprises him by orders the drink for him, sitting next to him at the bar. The bartender is in heaven, especially “with two celebrities” in his establishment. He motions to a porno poster on the wall that Kyle had signed, featuring a semi-nude Kyle, and asks if Michael would sign it as well. Michael kindly tells him no.

Once the drinks are on the bar, Michael confronts Kyle. Kyle relates to Michael how the happenings of Oakwood have made national news, and that, yes, Michael has been named in the press. He came out to Oakwood to see if he needed a helping hand. “That’s what friends do”. Michael responds “I don’t really have any friends, Kyle.” Kyle tells him that he has one now, and that he’s not returning to New York without him. “Who knows? Perhaps I can get a job here at ‘Sandals?’” he asks. The ice is broken and both laugh. Michael calls the bartender over to them and orders shots “for his last night alive”, and even agrees to sign the poster.

Claire arrives home to a dark house. In the darkness, she hears messages being played on the answering machine. They are from Thomas and other officers, asking for Rick. Cautious, she tries to turn on the lights, yet the space remains dark. She cautiously makes her way through the house, searching for her husband.

Meanwhile, in a motel room, Rick engages in a sexual game with Sarah, who is cuffed and blindfolded. As they have rough sex, Daemon perches behind them, watching and savoring the moment…

Claire walks through the upstairs hallway, checking the bedrooms. She hears water running in the bathroom and goes to investigate. As she does so, the light in the Master bedroom turns on, spilling out into the hallway. She cautiously opens the door and screams in horror. Human remains are scattered across the bed and “Michael Hutchinson” is written in smeared blood on the wall.” She loses her footing while heading towards the stairway, and falls hard, down the stairs, screaming in pain…

His tryst complete, Rick sends Sarah on her way. He begins to get dressed when Daemon materializes in front of him. Rick immediately tries to attack, but Daemon forces him to stay put on the bed. He informs the detective that he has watched him from the shadows since he was a child, and understands the empty life that he is living. He also states that Michael Hutchinson should have never returned, and only he and Rick can take care of the ‘freak’ once and for all….

At the house, Claire pulls herself towards her purse, and spills its contents on the floor near her. She finds her cell phone and clicks the speed dial…

Daemon explains to Rick how a war is beginning, and that Rick is just the warrior that he’s been looking for. Rick’s cell phone rings. Daemon mentions that it’s Claire, and that she has already chosen her side of the battle. Everything that Claire, or Sarah, or the police force, can not offer Rick, Daemon can. Daemon can show Rick, for the first time in his life, the light.

The demon coaxes the detective to stand, and for a moment, his body becomes feminine. Daemon seduces Rick, kissing him. Upon impact, the demon’s veins glow and extend into Rick’s body. After the separation, Daemon asks Rick to make his choice. Rick chooses the light.

The paramedics arrive at the Suttler house, and immediately prepare Claire for transfer to the hospital. She asks Thomas about Rick and Michael, but he acts as if she’s not even speaking to him. In fact, no one seems to listen to her at all. She tells them that she thinks its Jennifer’s body in the bedroom and that they need to find Michael soon. Again, they ignore her, load her on the ambulance, and drive away.

In the motel room, Kyle keeps watch from a chair as Michael tosses in his sleep. His dream takes him back to the moment that changed his life for ever.

At first, he has a flash of himself and Josh, in an embrace. The two young men happy, and smiling. The moment is short lived, and suddenly, Michael stands in a foyer, facing a crying Josh. Behind Josh is Daemon, who manipulates Josh like a puppet. Josh has a gun in his hand. Michael tries to help him, but it is no use. The two men confess their love for one another as Daemon manipulates Josh’s arm, raising the gun up to his mouth. The demon exclaims “Time to say goodbye” and the trigger is pulled.

In his sleep, Michael screams, and Kyle moves to the bed, lays next to him, and hugs his friend.

The next morning, Michael wakes up with a jolt. Kyle exits the bathroom and Michael immediately accosts him, demanding to know what had happened between them during the night. Kyle tries to assure Michael that nothing happened, but Michael will have none of it. He states that the demon will be after Kyle now. Kyle tells Michael that he is here to help, and that he’s not alone, but he has to tell him what is going on. Michael just needs to tell him the truth.

Reluctantly, Michael confesses to Kyle that he did not leave Oakwood on his own, but in fact, was forced to leave. He tells him how everyone in the town knew of his sexuality, and that wasn’t the issue, even though he was in a relationship with the town’s golden boy, Josh Thompson. What the town could not accept was that Michael claimed to see dead people and demons. When Josh’s body was found, Michael tried to explain that it was not a suicide, but a murder, and that Daemon was the murderer. The town would have none of it, and believed that Michael had made up the story to hide from the guilt of being the real reason Josh killed himself. With his mother already dead, his step-father gave him a check and told him to leave, and never come back.

Kyle attempts to console Michael, but Michael pushes him away. Michael explains that he cares for Kyle, and as a result, Kyle is probably a target for the demon. Michael is convinced that the demon killed Jennifer in order to get him to return to Oakwood. Kyle asks again what he can do, and Michael pleads with him to return to New York. “At least I know you will be safe.”

After some debate, Kyle agrees, and reenters the bathroom to get ready. Michael goes to the window and looks out onto the street. Father Dow is standing across the street, staring up at the window. Without saying goodbye to Kyle, Michael races out of the room.

Outside, Michael rushes towards Dow. Dow tries to get away, but is no match. Michael confronts him, demanding to know why the priest has been following him since he came to Oakwood. Dow smugly replies that he has been keeping an eye on Michael for much longer than the past few days. Michael demands an explanation, and Dow says that he will explain, only if Michael agrees to calm down.

Dow is from a special sect of investigators from Rome. This group has received letters from Michael’s mother Gertrude, seeking answers to her son’s ‘strange ability’. The Church ordered an investigation, and have been watching Michael’s progress. They sent Dow to Oakwood to recruit Michael for their organization.

Michael explodes, telling Dow that no matter what he claims his mother did, or whatever his story was, Michael would never work for the Church that condemns ‘people like me’ to hell. He will never work for a corporation that is responsible for the most bloodshed in the name of God throughout history.

Dow cuts Michael off, asking him if he has heard of a recent earthquake in Cairo, and that the earthquake and the events in Oakwood are only the beginning. He says that they need to work together if humanity is to survive what is coming. He also offers to tell Michael who his real father was, a man Michael never had known, and Gertrude had always refused to tell him.

Disgusted with the ploy, Michael tells Dow to shove his offer and to stay away from him, or else Michael will go against the Church himself. Michael storms off and Dow immediately takes out his cell phone. He hurriedly informs the receiver “We have a major complication.”

At the hospital, Claire persuades a nurse to let her go, even though it is against the hospital protocol. She needs to find both her husband, and Michael Hutchinson.

Meanwhile, Michael storms through the cemetery, shouting for Gertrude to show herself! OAM appears instead, pleading with Michael to calm down. He tells Michael that he has to stop focusing his life on the dead. “You live amongst the living. You must accept that responsibility.” Michael tells him that he can do nothing until he knows the truth.

Michael continues to search for his mother and finally, Gertrude appears. Michael demands answers from her. Answers about the priest, about his father, and about his identity. She informs him that she is not allowed to answer all of his questions. She tells him that his father was a great warrior, a line Michael had heard once too often. He confesses to her that he doesn’t know who he is. That everyone close to him ends up dead. That he’s a shell of himself. Vacant. She tries to get him to calm down, and he snaps at her, wanting to know why they let him come back knowing that the demon killed Jennifer just to make him come home.

Gertrude informs him that the demon did not kill Jennifer to bring him back, but she thinks that it has something to do with Rick, who is now missing. She tells her son to look around him and notice how no one in the town seems to care much about the murder. That they are acting strangely. Not themselves. The demon is responsible, but she does not know what he is planning.

Michael fears that he’s not strong enough to fight the demon. Gertrude tells him that he has to believe in himself again. The courage and strength comes from inside. She tells him he needs to use his gifts.

Suddenly, police sirens wail.

Outside the cemetery, Thomas, along with Richen and other officers, announce their presence and that they are entering the cemetery to search for Michael Hutchinson, wanted for the murder of Jennifer Suttler and the disappearance of Rick.

OAM tells Michael to run, but Gertrude has another plan. She knows that there is no place to run to, but she also knows of a place where her son can hide. OAM begins to protest the idea, cautioning her that she is getting to involved with the living when she snaps at him “He’s my son, Brian! I don’t care what the laws state!”

She leads her son to a mausoleum, where she tells him to hide, while she and Brian will keep watch. Once alone, Michael is struck on the head. He turns to see Rick, veins glowing. Rick lunges at Michael, knocking him to the ground, smacking his head on a rock. Michael winces his eyes and when he opens them, Rick is gone.

In his place stand Reichen and Thomas, their guns pointed towards him. “You are under arrest!”

At the police station, news reporters and citizens align the street to get a glimpse of Michael as they bring him in. Thomas and other officers push Michael through the crowd. Claire arrives and pleads with Reichen to release Michael. Reichen holds her back, telling her that ‘the faggot murdered your sister-in-law, and possibly your husband”. Claire refuses to believe him, but is helpless.

Meanwhile, Gertrude, OAM, and other Phantoms also watch the scene. WOAM questions what they are to do now. At that moment, they are surrounded by a white glow. A Man steps from the light and the light folds itself into the man’s flesh. Gertrude smiles. OAM asks “What is that?” She replies simply, “That’s Michael’s father.”

Kyle drives along the highway, listening to music. Suddenly, the music in interrupted by a special news bulletin relating that Michael Hutchinson has been arrested and charged with two counts of murder. Kyle immediately stops the car, cursing himself for leaving Michael alone. He goes to turn the car back on when Rick appears in the passenger seat, and blocks him. Kyle demands to know who his is and Rick replies “I’m the Devil.”

The next day, Claire goes to the police station. She is confronted by Sarah. Claire asks to speak to Sarah in private, luring her into Rick’s office. Once behind closed doors, Claire informs Sarah that she is aware of her husband’s affair, and that she also believes that Sarah knows where Rick is. Reichen opens the door and demands that Sarah leaves them alone. He questions Claire about her motive for coming to the station. Claire tells him that she has had a change of heart. She agrees that Michael killed Jennifer and has kidnapped Rick, though she is uncertain that he killed him yet. She asks to speak with Michael to try to get the answer out of him.

Reichen plays along for a moment, then attacks her, knocking her down and handcuffing her. He drags her body through the office towards the door, where Sarah, covered in blood is waiting for them. They share a bloody kiss, and he tells her “We have work to do.”

Michael is alone in his empty cell. Richen and another officer arrive and taunt him, laughing and screaming through the bars. Michael, bruised and beaten, is silent. Suddenly, the ground begins to quake beneath them. Reichen questions the prisoner if this is his doing. Michael, just as shocked as the officers, replies that he is not responsible. He tries to stand but is knocked down to the floor. He lays their motionless. Reichen smirks, telling the other officer that “It has begun”.

The quake is over. An eerie silence and stillness fills the area. Reichen tells the officer to follow him. The officer questions what to do about Michael. Reichen tells him not to worry. The only place Michael is going to is his grave.

In the streets, people panic as police officers begin to march towards Market Street Square. When the pedestrians run to them for help, the officers toss them out of the way as if they were rag dolls. The Phantoms stand and watch, helpless. A young Phantom asks OAM and Gertrude what is happening. OAM responds “Simply a demon pretending to be one of the gods.”

In the cell, Michael opens his eyes to see the floor no longer concrete, but made of grass and leaves. He is in the garden of his dreams. He hears voices, and sees the humanoid figures once again. They speak their names, and mention to him that ‘This is the past’ They circle Michael as the trees begin to bend and twist, solidifying and turning into walls. The beings continue to speak. “The Host has betrayed us. The Host has abandoned you. The Heavens are vacant.”

A ball of light appears and the rest of the world is lost in shadow. From the light, the Man appears, and asks: “Do you understand now, son?” He reaches out and clasps Michael by the hand.

Michael sees flashes of men and women flying through the air, the humanoid beings locked away in the garden, a vibrant Gertrude making love with his Father, Michael’s birth, the OAM outside his childhood window, the earthquake in Cairo, and once again the humanoid creatures flying through the air, stretching out long leathery wings.
Michael’s father informs him that he has much to accomplish, and that he has no choice but to follow his destiny.
In the cell, Michael’s eyes dart open. He sits up, feeling no pain. His wounds and flesh are completely healed. Suddenly, the cell wall bursts apart, revealing the night outside. Michael races out of the cell.

He runs towards the noise at the square, and OAM tries to stop him. “You’re not ready! You can’t do this alone!” Michael tells him that he has to do it alone. Only he can stop the demon.

As he nears the square, fire geysers erupt from the surrounding manholes. Michael cries out for the demon to show itself. Instead of the demon, Rick emerges from one of the geysers. He attacks Michael, sending him into the air and onto his back. Rick makes his way towards him when he is stopped by Daemon who stands a few meters away. The demon explains that he wants to enjoy Michael’s suffering.

Michael confronts him, demanding to know what he is doing, and what he wants in Oakwood. The demon replies that every god needs a place, a home. Michael informs the demon that he is not a god.

In response the demon quakes the ground and it splinters apart, the concrete rising into the fiery air, forming a make-shift structure. “Welcome to my kingdom” the demon states, then orders Rick to Bring Michael below. Michael stands his ground and refuses to let Rick near him.

To persuade him to cooperate, Daemon makes a motion, and Reichen and Sarah enter the square. Sarah holds a chain that is collared to a beaten and semi-conscious Kyle. Reichen carries an unconscious Claire over his shoulder.

Michael’s eyes glaze over with fire, and the demon, intrigued, walks towards him. As he passes Rick, he tells Rick to lead the others below. Suddenly, a cloaked figure darts through the fiery wall.

It is Dow, and he immediately pounces upon the demon, reciting the Roman Catholic exorcism rites. The demon is amused as the priest screams “I cast you out! I cast YOU OUT!” The demon simply replies that he is not one of the fallen. He chose to leave the heavens, then takes a chunk of the priests flesh and eats it. Michael yells for him to stop, and the demon quickly kills the priest, and faces his enemy. “I like to watch you squirm” he tells him.

The demon orders Rick to kill Claire. Reichen drops her, as Rick approaches. Michael screams out that he’s the one Rick really wants. It’s not Claire. Rick moves towards Michael instead and the demon forces him to go back towards Claire. Michael tries to run towards her, but Reichen grabs hold of him, lifting his feet off the ground. Claire pleads with Rick to spare her life and he takes her in her arms and kisses her. As he does so, he shoves a knife up inside of her body. He drops her onto the ground. Something snaps in him, and he whispers her name, staring down at her body.

Michael, thinking he has the upper hand, states “Your disciples are turning against you, demon.”

The demon immediately retaliates and motions his hand towards Rick. The demon’s veins jolt from his palm and pierce Rick’s flesh. The demon pulls his veins back and Rick’s body crashes down on top of his wife.

Sarah drags Kyle over to Daemon and Michael screams again. Daemon goes to kill Kyle, but then stops, revealing that he won’t kill Michael’s boyfriend. But then again, he realizes that Kyle wasn’t, and couldn’t, be Michael’s lover, because the demon took care of Michael’s only love years before, and sent Michael running away, where he should have stayed.

The demon asks Michael if he’d like the chance to see Josh once again. Michael pleads with him to let him go, and not to do what he knows the demon is going to do. The demon laughs. Using his veins, he brings Josh back from the dead.

Michael is in tears. Josh stares at him and asks what’s happening. Michael begs the demon to end it, to let him go. Reichen drops Michael, and the demon tells him to come and collect his one true love. Michael can’t move, as Josh continues to question. Michael just looks at him and says that he is sorry. The demon says “You don’t want him then?” and raises his hand to the side of Josh’s head. Josh pleads for Michael to help him. Michael can’t even look. Josh screams as the demon pierces his temple.

Michael looks up as Josh’s body disintegrates into thin air. He howls, hunches over, and cries out in agony. The demon laughs as Michael’s body begins to pulsate. Suddenly, two leathery wings rip through Micahel’s back.

The demon is cautious, confused and astonished. “What are you, boy?”

Michael’s wings flap, lifting him off the ground. He charges towards the demon. They clash in the air. The demon gloats that he can not be killed, and the two fight in the air, surrounded by the flames from the geysers. Michael eventually pins the demon to the erected concrete wall with one of his wings.
For the first time, the demon looks nervous. “Time to say ‘goodbye’” Michael exclaims, holding onto the demons body with his hands and slicing his wings through the demon’s flesh.

The demon falls to the ground in pieces. Michael collapses to the ground, his wings retracted, unconscious. The fires burn out, and a calm sets in over the scene.

Michael’s father appears and forces Kyle awake. He motions him towards Michael’s body. “He needs some comfort now”.

Both the living and the dead gather on the square, attempting to make sense of all that had happened. In the center of all of them lays Michael Hutchinson.

THE END

Monday, March 30, 2009

Blue Light Special, or I mean, Twilight Special Review

Okay, so i meant to have seen AHIC this weekend, to either confirm or not confirm my pre-viewing review. The thing is, i had waiting till the final showing of the night on Saturday hoping to avoid the damn children (hello, PG-13!). but alas, it was sold out!!! Note to self: check box office returns.

So, yesterday, after attening an interesting (thats the best word to describe it) several hours long meeting of local community folk, my own straight female Mr. Besnon, we'll call her Ms. B, and myself watched the film Twilight, based on the first of four novels in a series by Stephenie Meyer. (As another note, Ms. B is currently working on a coffee table book for her friends, who run the ViewPoint Inn, where the anti-climatic prom was filmed...and with that said, onto the review!! (And note, i have not read the books, at all)

Okay, so we have Twilight, which, for the record, wasn't my personal brand of cocaine (To paraphrase one of the supposedly famous and most popular lines from the film.

In order for me to not go off on tangents (okay, not that many,) let me break this down into sections. The film will recieve one cock per section.

the breakdown will be as follows
ACTING
SCRIPT
DIRECTION
MUSIC
Make-Up/Sfx


So, the most this film could earn is five cocks. Okay? Lets rumble.

ACTING:

The film stars Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan, a teenage girl who falls in love with vampire Edward Cullen, portrayed by Robert Pattinson. These two actors faces have been plasted everywhere for the past however many months now, and the film is mostly about the two of them, though I must say, it's sad when the main stars and focus of a film are more banal, interesting and charasmatic than an actress who appears in the film for, i don't know, ten minutes, top.

Let's talk about Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan. I am not sure what direction the director Catherine Hardwicke gave the young actress, if any direction at all, with the exception of the following "play the conflicted troubled teen-ager". Ms. Stewart delivered the same facial expressions, vocal tones, and body language throughout the entire film duration, practically. There was one moment i noticed a smile. And that was when she was in her boyfriend's bedroom, and he was trying to swirl her and dance. The smile and glimpse of emotion was only that though, and then she was back to "i don't dance", and ms. brooding troubled teenager. The boyfriends response was to jump out the window (I've been there bro). Too bad he took her with him. (Although he does call her about 30 seconds later a Monkey Spider. My, how terms of endeament have changed...

now, about the boyfriend, aka vampire named Edward Cullen...with the material he was given, you could see that Mr. Pattinson tried his damndest to do a good job, and for the most part, behind the glitter, and the coif hair, and the white powdered make-up, and in spite of having to call his co-star a spider monkey and make a similarity between her and cocaine. The actor definitely has talent. Was he perfectly cast? No, though i don't think many were. Still, he handles the physicality of the character well, and even handles the script hurdles that he's give. I think he's a young actor who will continue to grow...

The best acting in the film, in my opinion, however, belonged to Rachelle Lefèvre as Victoria, the vampire with the most life, even though the final scene cliff-hanger was anything but. When Victoria was on screen i actaully wanted to know more about her. Which is lacking with the rest of the cast, with the exception fo Bella's Father, played by Billy Burke, who pulls off the stache very very well!!!

Amongst the other actors, and their characters...
I was kind of insulted when i saw the immediate feminne stereotype of the gay guy who clings to Bella as soon as she arrives at the school, only to be more insulted to find out that the character is supposed to be straight. COME ON MARY!!!!! Please!!!! You should run for the Musical!!!

As far as the vampire family was concerned, i dont know anyones name except short haired Alice, who could read the future, but for the film, was reading the scenes directly before her lol.

Oh, and the dark haired brother, in my book, was more alluring than Mr. Edward, but sadly we only get to see him play family football in a thunder storm (I kid you not)

So, with the possibilty of one cock for this category, i give it 1/2 a cock. (I can't give the actors no cock because, frankly, i don't think they had any direction, or any helpful direction, in any case)

Moving on to the Script.

Melissa Anne Rosenberg. I have to admit that I'm a fan. From Ally McBeal, to Dexter, and yes, Dark Skies. I had read that an inspiration for the script came from Brokeback Mountain. Okay, interesting...but with her former credits, she is a writer who has wit, and zap, and a bold style. Which, sadly, has been lost here, but that's not her fault, and i don't discredit her. Here, she was working on an adaptation of the novel. The weak story had already been put down, and Rosenberg had to deal with what she was dealt. And no i haven't read the book, but i didn't dislike the dialogue all that much, although some of it i found out was directly lifted from the novel itself. And that's not Rosenberg's fault. The cocaine reference and spider monkey refernce, included. So, I have to give the screenplay, being a solid backbone for the film, 1 COCK.

OH the Direction, the direction. If i could give negatives I would certainly do so here. It is often said that a film is made in the editing, and for the most part I largly agree. But, issue number one has to be that the director has given somethign to the editors to work with. Sadly, this is not the case of Ms. Hardwicke. First off, what is with the obsession of the saturation of the cool colors of the color palette? Please, there is no reason for everything to be blues, and greens. There was one scene where Bella, wearing a blue sweater, was laying on a blue comforter, surrounded by blue pillows and deep purple pillows...ENOUGH OF THE BLUE!!!! Where was the red???? Where was the life??? Too much color saturation!

When dealing with high drama, which a teenaged-vampire cum first love story ultimately is, the director needs to understand and work in that medium. In this story, so much dealling with internal emotions, the director must direct the actors on how to emote those emotions and illustrate them. I've seen actors better directed in a local dinner theatre.

Ms. Hardwicke is also a lover of huge, establishing aireal shots, and camera rotations, which are usually used for establishing a location where the characters then take center stage for the drama. But not in Twilight. lol Filmed mostly on locations, which are beautiful, esp. the ViewPoint Inn, we understand the beauty of the landscape. Ms. Hardwicke seems to, instead of focusing the attention of the audience on the actors for a pivotal scene, in the middle of intimate dialogue, pulls the camera back to show the lake, or the trees! WHAT???? ARRE YOU DOING???? This isn't Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon!!! This is an emotional love story. You are distracting and taking away from any emotion!!!

Now, i will say that i have yet to direct a feature film, but i have directed several works in the difficult and cut throat NYC market. Now, inevitably, some folk would and do walk out of my pieces of Theatre. They call it disgusting, horrific, onscene. Others, stay and cheer and what have you. One thing that is certain, however, is that no one leaves the theatre feeling indifference, which is exactly how i felt after viewing Twilight. Indifferent.

And this was, even after the supposed cliff hanger, of my horror vamp Victoria watching the young lovers from afar as they embraced (and after they killed the vamp's lover, i guess he was that. He put his arm around her once). I wanted to feel like, yeah bitch. You're gonna get them!!! Can't wait until the sequel!!!

I actually felt like, oh well. No biggie. Immediately followed by "They need a new director, please, for the sequel."

No cocks for Direction, I'm sorry.


Now onto the MUSIC. Again, uninspired, unmoving, unemotional. Forgettable. No cocks.

Finally, the Make-up/Sfx.

Okay, make-up first!!! What is with the white powered, crazy hair, overall vampire look???? Too obvious. Too ridiculous. too distracting!!!
And what was with Bella's make-up? She's not a vampire yet, people!!! If Tim Burton, a brilliant director, had penned this, i could understand the actors looking like they stepped out of Edward Scissorhands or Sweeney Todd Land. But, he didn't direct this. Nor was he in charge of the make-up. But oh, if he did....that would be a film!!!

Now, specical effects. Okay. The trree jumping/flying was very well done. The fight scenes, albeit short, well done.

The special effects used on the vamp in sunlight, looked nothing more than glitter!!! What was that??? It could have been more effective if in fact the used glitter. Believe, me ive been there. It works wonders in the sun!!! And im sure Mariah Carey wouldn't mind. But perhaps thats more make-up dept. than special effects, though it was done optically in post. (Who knows the money spent on the bullshit job)

So, the special effects get 1/2 cock.

To make it official:
ACTING 1/2 cock
SCRIPT 1 cock
DIRECTION 0 cock
MUSIC 0 cock
Make-Up/Sfx 1/2 cock

So, Twilight will receive a review of 2 cocks.

To end this blog, here is a photo of a vampire that i, myself, find, irrestiable. Then again, its just me ;-)

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More blogging later today. Peace

Friday, March 27, 2009

Friday: The Haunting In Connecticut Pre-Viewing Review lol

Happy Friday everyone! (okay, happy friday to my one and loyal follower lol)

As we are all aware, due mostly to the bombardment of commercial space that Lionsgate has purchased, today marks the release of "The Haunting in Connecticut", the film "Based On A True Story" blah blah blah blah.

I have decided to something interesting. I am writing a review before I see the film. Then, When i have seen the film, I'll see if I was right or not. Sounds like a good idea to me. Who knows?

The story of "THIC" is not new to me, as I had seen, several times in fact, the 2002 documentary on the subject. Now, from what I recall about that documentary its about Karen and Paul Parker mostly. Paul is suffering from cancer, and Karen, being the devoted mother, moves he and the rest of the cookie cutter broke family into a bargain home in Connecticut that was once a funeral parlor. In fact, the equipment and stuff are still in one of the basement rooms. And of course, Paul just falls in love with having his own space that he chooses the basement to move into! Of course it doesn't take long for stangeness to go a bumpin in the night, and then Paul begins seeing this guy, and it was then that the documentary really piqued my interest.

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Okay, now not only is this man or demon spooky, but hell, he's kind of hot in a white-faced, black eyes kind of way. lol Actually, the documentary itself was spooky. Even with the ludicrious involvement of the damn Warrens.

Oh, let me just say something about the Warrens. A town very close to where I grew up is called West Pittston. In that town is a family known as The Smurls. They claimed Haunting, the Warrens came a runnin. Fox made a TV film about it "Haunted". There were books. And ghost rape became table discussion. Now, i have met several of the Smurls, and do I agree with their story? Even though i would love to? Not quite. Do I feel the Warrns involvement immediately increases validity? Um no, although i have never met the Warrens in person, so who knows?

It seems i am not the only doubter in this matter. Back to the Conneciticut folks...author Ray Garton was hired to create a novel based on the facts of the Funeral Parlor/Haunting in Connecticut/My son has canser saga. The result, A Dark Place, says some interesting things, most notably that the family itself couldn't agree on one singular story, and that the Warrens were instigators in the genesis of the story...which brings me, FINALLY, to my pre-viewing Review of the new 2009 theatrical release of "The Haunting in Connecticut". Drum roll please...

First thing to notice is the marketing campaign. This film has been everywhere. For months. Which means that it probably will be lackluster at best. Although i do have some hopes. Second thing to notice is the MPAA rating for the film. PG-13. A film about a cancer patient, spooky house, funeral home, possible possession, meant to scare you...of course it's PG-13. Which really means it's been dumbed down, hollywoodized, and truncated to appeal to the teenie boppers on their dates. I'm a firm believer in R Rated horror. Don't get me started on what Lionsgate did with "The Midnight Meat Train"! The horror that I write is definitelly R-rated, or sometimes X-rated lol material. I just don't understand how someone is wiling to take the edge off a good scare in order to make it PG-13. That's mostly due to the suits rather than the creative types. (Which ive been personally dealing with the past few months, but thats another blog)

So, we have the marketing campaign. The rating... But wait!! What's this??? Starring Virginia Madsen? Holy frack! I will never forget the image of her in Bernard Rose's 'Candyman', where she appears in the mirror "What's the Matter, Trevor? Scared of something?"

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I have to admit that I love Virginia Madsen! And the fact that she's returning, kinda, to horror, gives me hope. I know she won't have a half-ass performance. She's a theatre trained actress (YES!) and she's not the typical hollywood leading lady. I just love her and here she plays the mother figure...which brings us too.

Elias Koteas

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Again, along with Virginia, I love me some Mr. Koteas. Often considered to be a rougher, edgier Christopher Meloni (Whom i also stalk, i mean admire), i became entranced with Elias Koteas when i saw him in David Cronenberg's Crash. In that film, highly underappreaciated i still believe, he has what may be the hottest gay sex scene in the world, with none other than James Spader himself!

Spit on your hand, lube up, and tell me that you love me, Elias!!!

In "THIC" he plays a priest. Hmmm? Homage to Jason Miller, perhaps? (Who, coincidentally, lived in my hometown neck of the woods and would frequent the local playhouses yippee) Even so, troubled, self-haunted priest played by the troubled, self-haunted, smoldering Elias!!! Sign me up!!! Give me an exorcism!!! Save me!!!

So, on the merit of Ms. Madsen, Mr. Koteas, and the documentary demon man, so far so good...oops...what's that, you say? how could i forget...

there's the cancer ridden teenaged son, who, in THIC is played by Karl Gallner. Now, hmmm...the story of the Amityville Horror saga also involved a teenaged, boy...again, with the Warrens involved. This boy was possessed, and the story of the possession was used in the aptly titled film "Amityville Horror II: The Possession" (Gee, how creative.) The boy in that film was played by Jack Magner. Lets, for the sake of it, do a little comparison of the two, shall we???

First off, it's Kyle...

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Now onto Jack...

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See any resemblances here? I know that I do...

Im not going to get into the cliches i think will exist in the film due to hollywood.
Creeky doors prob. Bloody walls? prob. Little friggin dead children? probably.

Its all been done before and i challenge this film to show me something different.


So, my review based on the above, is 3 out of 5 cocks, with both Ms. Madsen and Mr. Koteas earning a cock on their own merit... So, take them out of the picture, and i'd give it a 1 cock pre-review rating...

In the Spirit of the Warrens, and Haunted houses, and hot men in horror films, this blog is ending with a picture of a hot bearded Ryan Reynolds in the Remake of the Amityville Horror. (Just had to do it)

Enjoy! Split me like a log, Daddy!!!

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As always,

Peace...stay tuned for the post-viewing review of "THIC" this weekend

Just

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Personal History of Midget Phobia

Hello everyone, I'm midget phobic. Tis true, tis true. The point is that yes, they make me pass out. Literally. And Ive passed out close to a dozen times because of them. Now a disclaimer: I know that there is nothing wrong with them. Im sure they are wonderful people, and i agree they deserve respect and equality (I wouldn't ever think of tossing one of em, i mean, please!) but that doesn't stop me from having nightmares of them eating their way through the back of my knee cap. (They are sneaky like that, you know?)

And yes, i have mentioned the phobia to a therapist. And yes, she is no longer my therapist. Fill in the blank, if you will.

I've pondered the midget phobia a lot recently, mainly because of the party i threw for St. Patrick's Day, when i hired two strippers. (THATS ANOTHER BLOG IN AND OF ITSELF) Well, my lovely friends went out of their way to try to find a midget stripper (A hairy one at that). Thank god they were all books as Leprochauns or what have you. I would have been pissed!!!! oh, and i would have passed out.

So, i often get asked what is the orgin of this phobia. I can honestly say i have no idea. And i often place blame on Cookie (my maternal parental unit)I have a really sharp memory for things, and yet, i remember going to a circus once as a child yet don't remember anything about the experience. I'm guessing that they forced me into one of those buggy cars with them or something horribly dramatic. And now i can't even watch TLC because of the contant damn commercials for that frigging Little People in a Big World thing. the white background of the commercial. The father with his crutches,...its almost too much.

The first major passing out experience took place in September of 1997. The exact location was Colliseum Book Store on 57th and Broadway. I had decided it would be cheaper to buy college text books there than at the University book store, and so there i was ,books in hand, on route to the cash register. I was walking down the aisle and directly in front of me a woman was knelt down looking at the bottom shelf of books. She wore a gray peacoat and also had about three of those Macy's Big Bags with her. Frankly, she was taking up the whole damn aisle. I stopped, and waited at first. Nothing. She didn't even notice me. (Mr Celophane that i am). I said "Excuse me." she said nothing. Finally, she tilted her head up towards me. I said "Please, can I help you up." and extended my hand down to her. Well, she didn't like that. "I am up, asshole!" she stated, then immediatelly wobbled away. She wasn't kneeling!!!!! She was that friggin short!!!! I mean, she looked completely normal!!! Well, next thing i know i am staring up at the ceiling's cancer lights. Next moment i am being loaded onto the strecher for the ambulance. I was completely mortified...

About a year and a half later, my partner and I, along with some of his friends, were travelling from the Piers after viewing the fireworks, back uptown. The subway was overflowing with people, and i managed somehow, to reach and find a pole to hold onto, with my legs spread apart for balance. The rest of the crew were behind me and all of the sudden started laughing. I assumed it was because i was standing like i was in line to get whipped. I was wrong. Joe gets my attention and motions me to look down...A Fracker managed to be sitting, yes SITTING, in between my legs, also holding onto the pole. It looked up and smiled, and waved...and down i went. On the crowded train...

it was at this moment that i realized that the first passing out wasn't a fluke, and that i may have an issue. Okay, several issues, but you get my point. It's like they find me now. Like there's some secret midget phone or something. They are everywhere!!!!

If i even see one i hyperventalate. Its that bad...and again, i reitierate, im sure they're nice people...they simply scare the pants off of me.

Just last month, one of them entered the office where i worked. I ended up on the ground, shaking and whiter than white, not able to talk, and by body convulsing...

I mean, hello! Why won't they just leave me alone?!?!

I'm getting better though, so don't worry. I managed to sit through the first season of Carnivale (Although at times, i watched the midget through my fingers) I am able to look at pictures, for the most part...and I'll even post one here. Just for my own therapeutic reasons.

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What do you think? Don't you agree that, yeah, kinda scary?

Hump Day Musings

Happy Hump Day all!

Let's see. Its been a while, hasn't it? Where to begin???
Well, tomorrow is my recap blogs and thoughts on Survivor and the Finale and Reunion of RuPaul's Drag Race! lol And possibly Dollhouse. lol

Let's take it back to last night, shall we?

I did something that even surprised me. I went, willingly (for the most part) to a bar called bump (lowercase b). Okay, its more like a restaurant/lounge. I had been there once or twice before, and didn't enjoy it at all. Okay, it sucked. Just not my thing.

Last night, however, was different. I went with one of my BFFs, and we met friends of hers (Who were actually married by Quakers in the place< cool, right?) These are my kind of folks. And the place, well, it was not that bad. In fact, I had a lot of fun. (Of course the martini special helped things along) lol

The interesting thing was listening to K (bff's) retelling of her dating experiences. Especially considering that many of the guys would give her a gift on the last day they saw her. One guy gave her a body bag!!! (I KID YOU NOT! HOW FRACKIN Cool is that!!!)

K has a thing for men in Uniform, as do we both. And she actually has a large roster. I think the two of us should write a dating disaster book together. We can even call it "oops, i crapped my pants- Dating dont's" or something. I think its a seller.

Oh, before I forget...

its officially spring and yet its like 30 degrees. i personally blame Al Gore. Just because.

Yes, my mood is funky today. Not really sure why. It just is. It may be because I finally joined Facebook yesterday. First MySpace then fetlife and now Facebook. Interesting. I feel im becomming more conservative in some way. Perhaps its old age.

Speaking of age!!!! I am still saddended about Natasha Richardson. I met her a few times during her stint at Studio 54 when she was in Cabaret. She was a talent! And a very gracious, intelligent actress! The Entertainment Industry has lost a great artist. My heart still goes out to all her friends and family.

WEll, that's it for now... ill write more later. Before I go, this blog is brought to us today by thig guy!!! Cuff Me

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Monday, March 16, 2009

Catching Up...

Happy Monday folks!

There's a lot of catching up to do, since it's been a few days, since i've posted a new blog here.

There was Friday night, which saw me at a poker game putting on my best poker face (and no, i don't play poker) which was overall a fun few hours. I saw some folks i hadn't seen for a while. FF was there with me which was amazing watching her parallel park in a south philly alleyway. lol After some chit chat, a few cigarettes, and one Rum jello-shot (reminder to myself- no more rum jello shots)we were off to the northeast where we went to Alfie's where i am hosting the Envy party tomorrow...

it was an interesting night there as well, esp. due to the fact that a player who one played me (What can i say? He looks like Chris Meloni) tried to play me again lol. Lets just say i took what i wanted from him and sent him on his merry horned-up way. Ah...payback.

While at the bar i did manage to figure out my lighting scheme and plan for the party, which includes 3 hours of strippers!! Whoowhoo!!! Ambiance and atmosphere are huge for me when creating an event. And this one is going to be a challenge. My theatrical directior and designer skills will definitely come into play in this design.

Saturday was a day of rest, and shopping for supplies. Okay, more shopping for supplies than rest lol. It was also a day i got to spend with my leather family as we went about town trying to find everything I needed for my party (yes, i obsess). Of couse, as i write this, there is still more that i want to pick up.

I spent the night at their house sat night and had a Night Terror around 2:40am! I screamed so loud that i woke them up (They were upstairs, i was down) That hasn't happened in a while. Pretty freaky.

Yesterday i caught up on some episodes i missed of US of Tara, which is an AMAZING series!!!! Again, more shopping. This time at, gulp, a MALL. Now i'm not a huge mall fan, and dreaded it. Before we entered i told B "Get ready for the kids screaming and the people who don't know how to walk!" He was like , it's not going to be like that. I made him a bet. I won.

The highlight of the Mall excruiating experience was Spensor's, where I found the perfect tshirt for the party tomorrow, and a poster for True Blood. Im a geek.

Last night was hit the bed early night. Lots on my mind today. Very busy. Work is already giving me a headache. Im thinking about the network possible deal,im thinking about the party lol...and im thinking about this guy!!! Mr. Jason Statham. One of my Top Ten!!

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Cuff Me Please, Officer

Happy Hump Day everyone!
Today's blog, respectfully, is about my fascination and major attraction to Police Officers (one of the many reasons for my nickname "Hate Crime Waiting To Happen"). Now, I am not taling about Dennis Franz or your basic Dunkin Donuts Police Officer, I'm Talking About that Hot, and he knows it, piece of Officer who you just know and wish to have use his handcuffs and night stick on you. You know, like this guy!!!

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Okay, okay, i know that this guy's probably not an actual Officer of the Law, but last night, I met one of them IN Person.

Here's the lowdown.

After chicken fingers and Paul Simon songs at Chickie and Pete's, my friend Ms. J (We'll call her) and I journied to the local bar for 'alternative night'. It's always an experience, to be sure. Well, we, Ms. J if you're Nasty and I are outside smoking when da da dum.....this is what walks in.

About 5'10" of prime ribbed beefcake.

Black boots.
Tight blue Jeans ("Thats the best ass I've ever seen in this bar", Ms. J drooled)
Tucked in White T-Shirt
Keys hanging on the Left (Hello, top!!!)
black Leather Jacket
And he was SMOKING!!!!

My jaw and tongue literally hit the floor. This gentleman was right up there with Pierce and Hugh and Jason and (yes, im on first name basis with my celeb fantasies). So, we went back inside and he was directly across from us!!! So, what do you think we did? We played the "My team or your team game!"

He was dressed as the perfect week-day Leatherman!!! And his eyes, OMG his eyes, I knew it was too good to be true. Well, after a few minutes, we think he leaves...I get bummed. Ms. J tells me to snap out of it.

When she next accompanies me outside to indulge in my nicotine addiction and fetish, well, wouldn't you know it? Mr. Beefcake himself is out there smokin away and talking on his mobile!!!!!

We gawk and comment, and i giggle like a lil girl (im not obvious, am i?) when the next thing we know, he asks us a question. (hes still on the phone) I will not go into detail about the conversation but here are the facts.

1. I lost. He's straight (DUH)
2. He was on the phone with a woman, a very hot woman he's recently been acquainting himself with. (HELLO, you lucky lady!!!)
3. He did not know it was gay night, yet is very open. (He even boasted about his abs, and YES even let me feel them through his T-shirt. I MELTED LIKE A BIG STICK of BUTTER on a 110 Degree Day)
4. He's an Officer of the Law. Yup. An Actual suit wearin, billy club and cuff carrying COP!!!!

I AM IN LOVE!!!!

I asked him personally to attend a party im throwing at the bar next Tues for St. Pat's day. He assured me that he will stopby after he gets off work and the gym.

Although there will be strippers at the party, MR. OFFICER will be the Man of the Hour. Hell, at least he's amazing eye candy. And nice to boot (Then again, we were so busy feeding his ego, of course he enjoyed it)

Lets just say I went to bed with a smile on my face, and woke up with...well, you get the picture.

I will have another blog later in the day, after i have some more coffee and cigarettes.

It is Hump Day, after all ;-)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Fiction: Dominion: Prologue. Cuthbert's Final Shower

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And So it Begins...

Hello everyone, and welcome to the first blog entry to Oops, I Crapped My Pants, where yours truly will reveal and talk about every and anything. (Remember, I don't judge i opinionate! And if you don't like it, well, you can just go crap your pants!

Speaking of crapping your pants, i realize that I picked a strange title for a blog. But seriously, it gets your attention, doesn't it? You're here. You're reading. It's all good. And, most importantly, we've all been there. Even though we may never claim to have been there in person, I am very well aware that each of us has had that moment...

You're sitting in the car, and feel a lil vibration down below...oops. I crapped my pants.
You're running to find a Barnes and Noble and just before you get there (it always happens like that)...oops. I crapped my pants.

Even i have had a moment like that. Though mine happened during a frightening encounter with a midget (phobic here). But we all have those oops...I crapped my pants moments. It's humanity at its most vulnerable, base, and, im sure for some people, enlightening.

Enough about the scat lol Let's move on to what this blog will entail in the days, weeks, months, etc to come.

There will be a section where I recap my favorite tv shows. Another for book and film reviews (cause, well, i can.) There will also be posts where i talk about (gulp) current events and the media.

And on some days, like today, i may just rant!

As always, though, I will leave you with something to smile about. Usually the furry variety, but i at times will make exceptions.

This isn't one of those times.

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Hope you enjoy

Peace

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